If superheroes had typos.
The Incompetent Hulk.
How the fuck do snakes even poop?
Do you ever wonder if like flavors can taste themselves, so they’re just constantly licking themselves with a bunch of atom-sized tongues
Or like if all atoms are just miniature tongues licking the universe holy shit
What if you sneezed confetti…
I’m curious what old happen if someone started having an allergic reaction during one of Hannibal’s dinner party’s and no one can figure out what their having a reaction to and everyones freaking out
and then Hannibal’s in the background like
"DAMMIT HANNIBAL, TELL US WHAT’S IN THE FUCKING FOOD! WE NEED TO KNOW SO WE CAN GIVE HIM THE RIGHT MEDICATION! WHY ARE YOU SWEATING SO MUCH?! HE’S GONNA DIE HANNIBAL WHAT’S YOUR PROBLEM-"
"And I was just thinking what to have for dessert" Shit did I say that out loud?
if orange juice could talk would it be like. every particle of juice or would it be certain quantities
like if you had a carton of juice and you poured a glass would there be two separate talking entities or is all the orange juice in the world one single being with the same thoughts and words and stuff
i want my dick in a museum after i die
*tour guide voice* and to your left you have the world’s smallest penis. take a look folks, and feel free to use these magnifying glasses
3 AM and your phone buzzes. you get a text. it reads, “i messed up. i cut.” you let out a heavy sigh and look outside your window to see another tree gone. when will your friend give up his lumberjack ways
a boy and a girl are sitting together on a bench after a romantic date. “can i kiss you?” the boy says. the girl nods and the boy pulls out black and white face paint and starts putting it on her face. “you’re going to be gene simmons” he whispers.
You would honestly have to remote your cat with all the woofs in the world.. It’s not an easy task, but you my tree sniffer can do it.
imagine getting a condom out the packet and your penis starts to scream ‘no’ and you put it on and all you can hear is muffled crying
go to sleep
If I killed someone and converted a horcrux into a data file, would uploading it into the cloud stop it from getting destroyed?
What if your pillow could talk and thats basically how your dreams are formed.
And the reason you get nightmares is because your pillow is pissed off you’re drooling on it or snoring really loud